Anna Nissley: "Ambivalent"

Ambivalent
 
I’m learning how to live both ways.
That is, with intense doubt and
Uncontainable joy— 
The kind that comes out in bursts of laughter 
That can’t be explained
As anything I’ve asked for or earned.
I haven’t asked for it, 
Or anything for that matter
But here are blurred skies,
Pop songs, an unprecedented love of succulents,
So many kinds of plastic,
Backpacking for fun,
And the sun (what is the sun?)—  
One day, I was hiking with my sister and a friend
We stuffed our mouths with blueberries
And I almost spewed them onto the forest floor
From laughter.
There’s a picture of it: sunburned face, cheeks dimpled and bulging with berries
And the blur of my hand ready to catch them 
In case they flew out.

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Anna Nissley is a recent graduate of Kutztown University who majored in Secondary English Education and Spanish with a minor in Women's, Gender, and Sexuality Studies. Anna works as an 8th grade English teacher and spends her spare time writing, reading, cooking, and gardening. She is slated to begin a thru-hike on the Appalachian Trail in the spring of 2021.